Looking at the mirror

When the question of sexual harassment and violence against women comes up, many of us believe that such acts happen due to some estranged and perverted extremists out there. We shirk it off by saying 'They are a bunch of psychopathic weirdos.' But are 'they' different? Do 'they' differ in terms of ideologies towards women?

The point that many of us miss is that such people only represent a surface of a much larger issue which looms, or should I say engrained deep into our societal fabric which we all happen to subconsciously endorse. That such people share mindsets like us.

Losing Honor
Take for instance our colloquial language, the act of rape is manyatimes referred to as 'izzat lootna' (In English this translates to losing ones honor). The victim did not commit any crime; she did not venture forcedly into someone else's personal space. How, then, could she be desecrated because some feral man decided to impose himself on her? What does this mean? We should probably change our Hindi? No! This is an indication to what our innate attitude is like, that somewhere deep down under there exists a problem. And a big one at that.

The Problem 
The interview of the Nirbhaya case's victim is in the news these days. What the interview pictured was not surprising, no-one expected the rapist to spit out adulation for women. But it was chilling and painful to watch. 
What the interview showcased was not merely the ramblings of a man convicted in a rape case. This was a mirror showcasing the beliefs of thousands of people in our society who share a similar ideology. What do you think of the literate defence lawyer who brazenly says that he would burn off his daughter if he finds her going out. Is there any difference between him and his client?

Mukesh represents just the surface of a balloon; the air in the balloon which gives shape and foundation to the surface is actually attributed to the mindset of the society. It is this mindset which subliminally sanctions such acts that even today Mukesh believes that he did no wrong by committing a seemingly disciplinarian action on a wayward girl. The balloon can only exist as long as the air in it does.

 Let us understand that we do not need to commit the act in order to be a rapist.
- I act like a rapist if I celebrate the birth of my son but not my daughter.

- I act like a rapist if I get totally outraged to find my daughter smoking when its okay if my son does it.
- I act like a rapist if I think I need to save for my daughter's wedding not her higher education.

- I act like a rapist if I think I am superior and deserve to get dowry from the girl I am marrying.
- I act like a rapist if I think my son deserves to get dowry or endorse the system.

- I act like a rapist if I think women are suited for only certain roles within the four walls.

- I act like a rapist if I think that a woman is profane/promiscous if she comes out of her shell or speaks her mind.
- I act like a rapist if I think that a girl lost her honour if she got raped.

- I act like a rapist if I believe that the victim of the crime deserved it some way.

Sometimes it is important to bring yourself under the magnifying glass to see if we are inside or outside the balloon.

What can be done? 

1. Understand the attitude: We need to understand that we have all the makings of a rapist if we believe in any of the above points. Awareness is the key and it is for this reason that documentaries like Indias Daughter should be shown so that people know how much of their own ideology matches to that of a rapist. You just cannot brush things away under the carpet in the hope that your home gets cleaned. Acknowledging that a mindset like that exists and is very much prevalent in the society is the first step.
2. Understand the psychology behind this: We need to understand how do people learn such ideas? Thats when we can do something about it. Right from childhood to adolescence there could be several factors that could affect someone's mind:
   - the neighbourhood man battering his wife everyday and the woman silently bottling her emotions, parents being more obsessed to the son than his sister, the incessant objectification of women in movies and TV shows,  the list is endless, sigh. Even little observations  taken during the course of a long time can condition a child's brain and plant the thought that women  are objects to be used and meant to be kept under your toes.
3. Address the mindset: Just like the factors above which interplay in our society cater to the somewhat misogynistic thoughts in a growing mind; it is definitely not impossible to condition the mind in an opposite way. Note that this conditioning is much harder to bring about in adults compared to the growing minds of youngsters and kids. So we know we need our kids to be more tolerant and understand the meaning of equality. But who is going to do teach them this? An erudite family may do this to its younger generation but what about a kid who is born into that section of the society where women are looked upon in a lower light. His mindset is predisposed to pick up the grime he sees around it in its formative years. It is here that education needs to step in.
   
4. Role of education: We know our current education miserably fails at it today (especially after listening to the comments by the convict's lawyer in the Nirbhaya case), but it doesnt mean that education cant help. It is possible to bring about a positive conditioning to a kid by exposing him to the importance of gender equality, and sensitising about concepts like consensual sex (Indian education system does not even talk about the three letter word). This is a daunting task though. Because you are trying to plant ideas which are very different from what the society showcases. It may not have the desired results always too. But we atleast have a way of tackling problems, albeit not foolproof. The education system is not just about reading and writing, it can become much more than that.
   
   Children should know about women achievers from different walks of life; this is to make them realize that women are not weak and subjugated; they are as much capable and strong as a man, they just need the right avenues.
5. Welcoming a victim into the society: Most hospitals and medical staff are not trained to handle a rape victim properly. Since this is also a matter of a criminal case, care should be taken to both ensure the well-being of the victim and documenting/collecting evidence.
   Its just not about treating some wounds but there should also be options available for psychiatric counselling and addressing Post Traumatic stress disorder. It should be mandatory for the medical staff to understand the implications and the process involved in handling a sensitive case like this.
   
   

On a end note, if the sanctity of the image is at stake, we should remember that we cannot improve that image of ours by hiding non-pretty things, we do it by accepting the truth about ourselves in a mature way. Its time we understand what we represent and deflate the balloon.


Another important thing that we all should remember is that in the course of our fight for equality, its good to be feminists but don't turn into mis-andrists. The society may have many men with a skewed vision but there are many many others who support the fight against discrimination.